Sometimes you know that someone is hurting. The signs are there but he or she may not realize what is happening to them. He or she may call it stress, but stress is also a catch all word. Personally, I think you have to dig deeper to figure out what is really going on.

When you are under stress, your behavior may or may not change. What do I mean by changes in behavior and why is that important?

Clear changes in behavior present noticeable warning signs. When those signs occur, the person may isolate the issue causing the stress and make changes quickly to relieve it.

What happens when stress occurs that is not causing a major shift in behavior?

Some people think or act the same way they always do even in times of stress. The subtle difference (at least initially) is an increasing intensity level about what he or she is doing to the point it might be seen as compulsive or obsessive.

I call this behavior stress creep because it happens over time and you often don’t realize it is happening until it starts to hurt someone.

Let us suppose you have had a recent job change or promotion. To cope with the changing circumstances, you begin to work more hours – you know it is important to tackle your steep learning curve and show your new company or boss your commitment.

Pretty soon you are burning the midnight oil several times a week. To make time, you cut out personal and after work activities, exercise and family time. Time slips away; there is always something you have to get done at work.

Exhaustion sets in. You don’t seem to be making traction at work, so you put in more hours.

The people who are closest to you – your spouse, significant other or friends try talking to you directly or indirectly about your lack of involvement. After a while it gets annoying; can’t they see that you are providing for them and trying to do the best you can?

Arguments begin about how you are spending your time. It becomes easier to deflect criticism or feedback by pointing out what others are doing or not doing to help you.

You have just experienced stress creep.

When you begin to place blame or hurt others, consider this – are you doing this because you are the one who is hurting?

Sometimes it is easier to hurt others than deal with our own pain or issues.

I realize this sounds bad, but the truth is you may not realize what you are doing because of the amount of stress you are under. It may become easier to justify why you are doing something rather than asking yourself – should you even be doing it?

When you ask the last question, that’s the first step toward being personally accountable and solving it.