Communication Archives - Page 2 of 3

by Lynn Dessert on January 28, 2011 Leave a Comment

How to handle LinkedIn recommendation requests

Have you taken the initiative lately to make a recommendation for someone on LinkedIn?

A couple of weeks ago, I received an update on everyone who had either changed jobs or titles in 2010. I was surprised at the number of job transitions, roughly 30% of my contacts.

As I was verifying the new information to my database, I took particular note of someone who joined LinkedIn last year.

Bob has been a consultant for a long time. He continuously gives back to the community and we have worked on a few programs together. It was a great opportunity to share my opinion of his work and dedication to others through the LinkedIn recommendations.

This got me thinking. When is it appropriate to write or ask for a recommendation and when does it not make much sense?

When I have been a recipient of a recommendation, LinkedIn prompts you to return the favor and write one for the other person. There have been times when that request makes me feel uncomfortable. How about you?

When to write a recommendation

If you have a colleague that you have worked with and you have firsthand knowledge of their performance, skills or other accomplishments – this is the time to write a recommendation. You might be their peer, boss or subordinate.
Write a recommendation when someone is not expecting it. That’s right, we all like to open our email and find that someone likes what we do! He or she will feel more appreciated if your glowing comments come unsolicited.
For a business owner or a consultant, your recommendation can make a difference in how potential clients or customers view their services or approach. If they provided value, make the endorsement today. It is one of the best ways to show your appreciation.
If someone has given their time or services for free for your benefit, it is time to reciprocate by lettings others know how they helped you. Hint- leave out the “free” part.

When not to write a recommendation

Receiving a LinkedIn request from someone who you do not know well or are not comfortable in responding, just take a pass.
Friends should not write recommendations for friends without having direct experience as a colleague, client or customer.
The obvious – you did not like their work.

When to ask for a recommendation

Ask for recommendations over a period of time. It will look better if your recommendations are spaced out, otherwise you may create the wrong impression – that you are desperate or your networking is one-sided.
Sometimes we have to nudge people that you may have helped with a project or task. Last year I helped someone to refine her first presentation to a group of CEOs as a courtesy.
Ask for recommendations from people you work with currently or from previous companies, clients and customers or from groups and community initiatives where you have demonstrated a leadership role.
Personalize your request to someone you contact for a recommendation. Let them know what prompted you to write them. If cannot think of something, then it is probably best you don’t ask for a recommendation from them.

When not to ask for a recommendation

If you make a presentation, do not ask everyone in the room to write a recommendation for you. It is tacky and people will discount all the comments from a large group of people from one event.
Avoid using the mass email option LinkedIn provides you to ask all of your contacts for a recommendation at one time. I received one of these a year or so ago from a consultant who I had met 10 years ago. I had no direct knowledge of her work.
Do not ask for a recommendation from someone simply because you gave them one. Some recommendations go only “one way” because the service or advice was provided in one direction.

How to handle inappropriate requests

You receive an automated LinkedIn request from someone and the message was sent to their mass distribution list. You wonder why you received it. The easiest thing to do is ignore it.

Is that the right approach? Not necessarily. Contact the person directly and let them know you are able to write a recommendation for them.

People who make requests that are not appropriate should not be surprised to receive some push back. They may not have realized their request went to a large group and will thank you for letting them know what happened. If they do not appreciate your response, it might be time to rethink why you are connected to them.

Filed Under: Communication, LinkedIn

by Robert Whipple on November 29, 2010 Leave a Comment

4 Tips To Improve the Morning Meeting

Some companies have a kind of pep talk on a daily basis followed by a cheer before employees are allowed to work. There are two ways of looking at this practice. In most groups, these pep rallies have only a short-term positive impact on morale. In fact, many groups eventually stop the practice altogether because of the incredible negative impact on morale.

The boss is uncomfortable because she knows people hate the “morning meeting,” and the discipline of the company cheer before going to work has become a joke. People feel the activity is a waste of time, because their morale comes from sources other than pep talks. It does not matter what the boss says at the start of each shift.

What matters are the signals sent a thousand times all day outside of the rallies. The ritual of a morning meeting only serves to underscore the hypocrisy, and therefore, has the reverse impact of what was intended.

In some groups, the pep rally concept actually does produce higher morale and is a sustainable positive force in the company. What factors allow this to happen?

1. The Meeting Itself

There is some actual benefit if the meeting contains useful information or some kind of social support that people find helpful. Often the meetings are a time to remind employees of new policies or drill on the location of recently moved articles. By enhancing basic communication, these meetings help managers perform a basic function that would be hard to achieve in an e-mail or other form of announcement. It also gives employees a chance to question the information for sanity or just to verify understanding. So if WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) has enough positive power, then a morning meeting might actually work.

2. The centering thoughts

Rather like an exercise in yoga, some meetings help people compartmentalize their lives so they can display the right persona for customers. They can filter out the chaos or distractions going on elsewhere in their lives and focus on the tasks at hand. This would be the equivalent of a team “suiting up” before a public sporting event.

3. A pre-existing environment of trust

If the leader has achieved a culture of trust where people see congruence of words and actions, the leader will have more credibility. This is the equivalent of a coach in sports. In this case, a rallying cry for team spirit may actually inspire some people to put forth more effort. At least the company cheer has the potential to generate some fraternal feelings that are directionally helpful. Without the element of trust, these cheers have little chance to produce a positive impact.

4. Employee ownership

If the meeting is sponsored and designed by the employees for their own benefit, then they have a much better chance than if it is a management-driven event. This shows the link between empowerment and morale. When the workers are respected for being mature enough to design and conduct a meeting, with perhaps some guest appearances from management, the dynamic can be a liberating influence. The flip side of this is if certain cliques within the worker ranks own the process to the exclusion of others, the chosen ones will alienate the rest of the group and eclipse the benefits.

In a trusting environment, daily meetings can be helpful for the above reasons. Communication is enhanced, which helps transparency, and it gives managers the opportunity to model reinforcing candor.

In general, the early shift meetings should be avoided if there are trust issues among people in the organization. Some people would argue that is precisely the reason to invoke the technique in an attempt to remedy a low trust situation. I think where low trust is a pre-existing condition, the dangers outweigh the benefits. Since most organizations have extremely low trust, it is a good idea to proceed with great caution when considering trying to enforce morale through daily meetings. The old adage feels all too real for many employees, “The beatings will continue until morale improves.”

Most organizations obtain only a tiny fraction of the effort that is possible from the people they employ. A key measure is what percentage of discretionary does your culture elicit (and there is no known way to measure this variable accurately). No organization can get a sustained 100% of the potential effort of people. That’s because it would require a continual flow of adrenalin that would be fatal. But my estimate is that many organizations operate at about 25% of maximum capacity. They can double the effort of most people by using the Leadergrow Trust Model and still have them operating at a comfortable 50% level from their peak. The key enabler to this leap in productivity is the existence of real trust within the organization.

Filed Under: Communication, Leadership

by Lynn Dessert on August 26, 2010 1 Comment

How, when and why to have performance and career discussions with your boss

Are you comfortable having a discussion with your boss about your performance and career goals? If not, it does not necessarily mean you have a poor relationship with your boss, it could also be that you are shy or awkward talking about yourself.

With a little bit of preparation, you will feel more confident having a discussion with your boss or manager.

What are the top five things a person should do to prepare for a discussion with their boss?

List the areas you want to discuss.
Rank their importance. If you run out of time, you want to cover what is important before you leave the meeting.
Conduct a pro/con analysis about the subject. Think through the options.
Know what action(s) or outcome(s) you want out of the discussion. Are you looking for feedback, support, background information or direction?
Make a concrete plan and gain their commitment.

Who should initiate a discussion? There is nothing wrong with you asking to meet with your boss to discuss your performance or career goals, even if it is not during the company’s standard review time.

You may catch them off guard if it is something that other employees do not approach them with during the year. It is always a good idea to give them a “heads up” about the discussion ahead of time so that they are prepared to give you the coaching or feedback you need to be successful.

How often should I discuss my performance with my boss? If you believe your performance is off track, schedule a meeting now even though it may be difficult. It will be much easier to gain their insight and support to get yourself back on course.

A good manager will help with removing roadblocks that prevent someone from being successful.

Removing roadblocks is not doing your work; it is running interference in organizations that may inadvertently make getting things done more difficult and create more work.

If there is no urgency for manager intervention, keep your boss informed of your progress at periodic times – it might be weekly, monthly or quarterly.

The timing will depend on your experience and how often your boss likes to be updated. When in doubt, ask him or her how often they prefer to meet or communicate with you.

Sometimes bosses become unavailable, it is up to you to make it happen.

How often should an employee discuss their career or development objectives with their boss? If you are talking to your boss about your career on a daily basis, I can guarantee it is too much. The message you are sending is that it is all about YOU and not about what you can do.

The company wants to know you are able to perform in your job and take on increasing levels of responsibilities before they contemplate promoting or moving you into a new position.

A good rule of thumb is to initiate a career discussion about every six months to discuss your progress – not to ask for a promotion.

Consider calling it an “update meeting” to discuss the skills you have learned and how you have applied those to specific projects, tasks or initiatives.

Companies are not interested in knowing that you checked the box to learn a skill. What you learn can become dormant if it is not used.

However, applying your skills to a new and unique situation shows that you have the capacity to work in more complex situations. Those kinds of discussions will make an impact and will keep you top of mind when the next promotion or big project comes around.

Filed Under: Career Advancement, Communication, Workplace Issues

by Lynn Dessert on June 7, 2010 2 Comments

Nine ways to be more effective in your written communications

Your written communication can have a significant impact on an organization. One professional organization I belong to is having an ensuing battle over a topic in yahoo groups. Someone says they want to leave because they are not getting what they want out of the organization. He wrote a series of written communications that only seemed to fuel the discussion – and not necessarily in a positive way.

It started out with asking questions and giving constructive feedback to the general membership. The topic really doesn’t matter; how things are being said does matter.

If you were to ask people individually if there was a battle, there would not be a consensus. One person might think they are just stating an opinion, another would say they are trying to get everyone to “get along” and others who chime in found their comments dissected. Now you probably understand why I call it a battle.

It is hard to write a response to a hot topic effectively, especially if people do not know you. We all quirks – it might be using certain words or phrases that could be misconstrued.

If you are talking to someone in person, you can see how the other person is reacting to your words and make a correction or clarification – because we all think and communicate differently.

Even if you throw out the caveat that you may say things “tongue in cheek” or that you are seen as a “trouble maker” or you do not “sugar coat” things, you run the risk of being misunderstood.

Here are a few ways you can help to create a more inclusive and healthy conversation – whether it is written or oral:

People get caught up quickly in the blame game and get defensive instead of responsive. If the tone of your message is about how everything is wrong, learn how to finesse your message without sounding like a know it all. The best technique is to ask questions that lead people to rethink their position. Does it take longer? Yes – and you will have more followers in the long run.
Forget about telling people what they need to do. When you tell them they need to do something, they rebel. Suggest why someone might want to do something differently.
The excuse of I am not “in the know” is a cop out. If you want to know something, it means getting involved and making an investment to learn what you do not know.
Avoid the perception that your time or intellect is better than everyone else. I am too busy or someone else or something matters more sends the message you do not care. If you don’t care, they don’t care.
Take the words “we/you should” out of the conversation. Talk about what you are willing to do. “We/you should” implies someone else has to change or do something. It is more relevant what you are going to do to make it better. If you take personal accountability, change will happen more quickly.
Being the mouthpiece is not a good role. If people do not have the courage to speak up, the message was not that important.
Listen to and consider alternatives. If you are stuck thinking there is only one solution, guess what – there is only one solution. It is easy to list all the reasons why “you can’t”. Think about the things “you can” do that others “can do” too. Yes, I am talking about collaboration, not compromise.
Don’t be the martyr. People will question intent when someone plays this card.
If your conversations continually end with negative results – it’s time to look at yourself. When someone comes to me and says they had another one of those situations, I ask them: “What is the common denominator?” There is usually only one answer. Take a step back and picture how you can get your point across more effectively and have a positive outcome. If you do not know how, get some help figuring it out.

Filed Under: Communication, Personal Effectiveness

by Lynn Dessert on January 11, 2010 2 Comments

How to have a difficult conversation with someone

“So you are saying even being direct was not getting through to this assistant. I think asking them what they think, and if they heard what the problem is can make sure the other person heard this issue” is a follow-up comment by the reader who prompted this blog post.

In this particular blog post, the boss believed they were being direct with finesse. Their interpretation of finesse was to deliver a clear message with an increased emphasis on sparing the recipient’s feelings. Sometimes this approach backfires for a number of reasons:

The boss becomes more concerned with the reaction of the employee and dilutes the message.
The employee walks away believing the issue is minor when it is a major one.
The boss assumes their subordinate wants to be talked to the way he or she wants to hear things – when it may be very different.

It is my guess that the boss may have tried to follow up with the questions this reader is posing, though the conversation may have been cut short. It is more likely, other factors were working against them.

These types of conversations are usually not the ones that bosses want to have with their employees and visa versa. If we play out the scenario differently, it is probable the employee acted like they understood. After all, he or she wants to get out of the hot seat as soon as they can! Alternatively, the boss wants to dispose of this difficult conversation quickly.

The solution is – ensure that conversations complete the full feedback loop approach. If you follow these steps, you will increase your success with difficult conversations:

Step 1: Define the problem clearly with examples.

Step 2: Identify how the problem affects results or relationships.

Step 3: If you have a preferred solution, share it; otherwise brainstorm and explore options together.

Step 4: Agree on a solution. The solution will include specific behavior changes, reinforcements and timing. The solution should focus on delivering the desired outcome(s).

Step 5: Discuss how this new behavior or result will look when you see it (the successful outcome). Be detailed in the description – create a picture where the employee visually sees themselves doing it.

Step 6: Ask the other person to restate their understanding of each step. Learn how to ask better questions by avoiding closed-end questions. Let them tell you what they think in their own words.

Step 7: Set a meeting time to review progress and make adjustments.

To help facilitate the discussion, consider sharing this model with the employee before you start the conversation. They will know what to expect as the discussion progresses and you will find less resistance to correcting undesirable behaviors and outcomes.

Filed Under: Communication, Workplace Issues

by Lynn Dessert on January 6, 2010 Leave a Comment

Finesse can get in the way of effective communication

“I am usually very honest and tell it like it is at work. Honesty is the best policy. However, you have to have a certain finesse when letting someone know they need to improve on their skills”, was a recent comment received by email on Why Being Real is so Difficult.

The point she is making is valid providing you are communicating effectively. I will tell you a story to illustrate what I mean.

A situation arose where my boss was dissatisfied with some of the things her assistant was doing. They had been working together for a while and as we know, some things just are not addressed because we want to preserve the relationship.

The issues are minor, so it is time for self-talk: it really does not matter, I can make adjustments or they will figure it out. After awhile, those little things begin to gnaw at you enough and it is time to have the conversation!

I had firsthand knowledge of the issues because I was the one who listened to the boss wrestle with what to do. The situation escalated quickly when another incident caused a major problem; she was going to have the talk with her assistant later that day.

My relationship with the assistant was good too, and knew if there was venting, I would probably be the one to hear about it.

I passed by the office, the assistant was absent and the boss’s office door was closed – the conversation was underway. About 45 minutes later, I stopped by the area and the assistant was sitting there in a daze. I thought, hmm…the message must have been a tough one.

I was wrong.

I asked if everything was OK, and the response was…”I was just in there with the boss and I do not know why. I think she was trying to tell me something, but for the life of me, I am unsure what she was trying to say.”

Now it was my turn to deliver some feedback to the boss.

“The message you intended to deliver did not get heard”, I said. She looked at me with disbelief. She thought she was conveying the message clearly with sensitivity or as some would say finesse.

Delivering difficult news was tough for her. She thought if she gave out the feedback in small doses or in a general way, the employee would be more receptive to feedback. Instead, the employee left confused, knowing something was wrong and wondering how to correct it.

I share this story because I think it happens more than we care to admit. There is a balance between being too harsh and soft-pedaling our message. I have known people who say, unless you shoot me between the eyes, I will not get the message. Likewise, others recoil if there are any undertones of negativity.

The question: Am I stepping up to what I need to do to get the message across to the employee?

The point is you are trying to get their attention. It is time to do something different. People do not change their behavior unless the thought of not changing is less desirable.

If the message you are delivering is constructive in nature, expect there to be a little discomfort. If uneasiness is absent, rethink if the message clearly defines the issue and lays out what to do differently to resolve it - in the delivery style that they understand.

Check to gauge understanding by asking the person what they heard. If you believe, you are being straightforward and clear, possible exceptions where reactions are absent include:

they have heard this before and there have not been consequences
they just do not care
they hide their emotions very well

Those reactions lead to different decisions…and another post.

I am usually very honest and tell it like it is at work. Honesty is the best policy. however , you have to have a certain finesse when letting

some one know they need to improve on their skills.

Filed Under: Communication, Workplace Issues

by Beth Sears on November 9, 2009 Leave a Comment

You Can’t Talk Your Way OUT!

Communication is the thread that holds relationships and organizations together, yet there are times when communication alone cannot resolve an issue. Have you ever acted in a manner that you later regretted or that caused a problem?

You look at the issue at a later date and wished you had done things differently. Your ego may have gotten in the way and you could have said something to or about another that was inappropriate.

The truth of the matter is all people act in a manner that makes sense to them at the time. Once the problem occurred, you may have tried to talk to the individual to explain your rationale, yet in most cases that will not resolve the issue. The person may be hurt and trust has been broken. The problem occurred because of the way you chose to behave, so you cannot talk your way out, you need to behave your way out. It is hard to regain the feeling of security when you are involved with someone who you believe has betrayed your trust.

In an honest relationship everything is aboveboard. You believe the other person has your best interest at heart, and they are straightforward in letting you know what they are doing and why they are choosing that action. They communicate openly with you and speak with candor. Problems occur when you find out otherwise and suspicion soon takes over. You tend to filter all your future interactions with this person to avoid being hurt again.

Although your first reaction may be to want to get even, this resolves nothing. Often your communication practices change because you now replay the other’s actions in your head to see if there is a hidden agenda or try to figure out what is really going on. Trust, once lost, may be impossible to regain. The only chance is for both individuals to be transparent and behave in a manner that reinforces their words.

If you have created the problem, you may want to:

Be honest with the other person and if appropriate apologize.
Ask what needs to happen to help heal the relationship.
When you both agree on the next steps, communicate your intent and what the other can expect from you.
Make sure your behavior is consistent.
Keep your communication open, and behave your way back to a trusting relationship.

If you are a victim of a breach of trust:

Try to determine if you in any way played a part in the situation.
Be open and honest with the other person about your feelings.
Allow the other person to change.
If the behavior of the other does not change, assess whether the relationship has outlived its worth.

With work and time, you can behave your way back to a trusting relationship, but this takes consistent behavior coupled with regular honest communication.

Filed Under: Communication, Personal Effectiveness