What it means when someone hurts you

Emotional hurt. “I never understood how some people can be so hurtful to the ones they were closest to,” is a comment I read recently.

It really does not matter if the person hurting you is at work or outside of work. The dynamics are the same.

The truth is if you feel hurt by someone, it is because you have made some level of investment in the relationship. If the relationship is going along well, you feel great, if someone stumbles, you feel the pain. Yes, it is a sign that you care.

Do you wonder how the same action or comment affects people differently? One person may be hurt, while another person does not even pay attention to it.

Could it be that people who do not let it bother them – just do not care enough to let it affect them? It is hard to hurt someone who does not care about your actions and opinions.

Can you emotionally hurt someone who you are not close to? It is less likely to happen, if both parties do not care about each other.

There are situations where the other person may not realize they are doing something that is hurtful.

Consider this, if there is a disconnect with two people – one person feels hurt and other does not realize it, then one of these conditions may exist:

  • someone is not strongly tied to the success of the pair
  • one person has more investment in the relationship than the other person
  • one party is oblivious to being hurtful
  • someone is intentionally hurting the other person because they know they can
  • sometimes we do dumb things because we are human

Think about situations, conditions and implications for how people can hurt you.

Next, think about how you may have hurt others. Remember to consider your work and personal life. When things fell apart, can you relate it to one of these conditions?

Bottom line: You can really only be hurt by people who you care about – regardless if they care about you.

About Lynn Dessert (427 Posts)

Lynn Dessert is an ICF trained certified NLP Coach specializing in Executive, Career and Life coaching based in Rochester, N.Y. She works with individuals and organizations to maximize personal effectiveness skills—a cornerstone to career advancement. Lynn is the author of What To Do After Being Fired and The Secerts to Successful Job On-Boarding. Start your discovery process by contacting her at 585.249.5149 today.


Comments

  1. Michele Roberts says

    It is true that some people are very cold and do not even think about whether or not they hurt others. Does no one remember the Golden Rule? “Treat others as though you want to be treated.” However, in today’s society, it seems like the work place, school and community groups have become more like a war zone, “Kill or be killed.” The worst cases seem to be when a long-term friend betrays you, an associate whom you’ve helped in their position steals your idea or a family member rips you to shreds. I believe that the cruelest, most evil people of them all is when a spouse whom you have given many faithful years to decides he/she wants someone else or just decides that “it’s over” and takes the bank account with him/her. I believe what my mama says, “You reap what you sow, you reap more than you sow and you reap later than you sow.”

  2. Jess says

    No matter what the reason they have for hurting you, the only reason I can think of is to be like them and not care. Very difficult but what else is there? Talking to them won’t change things

  3. Marty Sanchez says

    It helps to accept that you are vulnerable and that you can be hurt. Being vulnerable emotionally is the only way we can have real love in our lives. Once you can accept that, you can take some of the emotion out of the “hurt” and decide what is the best way for you to handle it. Take a look at the overall situation and decide what is the best way for you to handle being hurt, and do it. Even if your decision is to accept it and move on, you will feel better because you have controlled what you could.

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