Sometimes it makes sense to call it quits. It does not necessarily mean you are a quitter. It may mean you are deciding to walk away from a situation that is not a positive influence on you. Many situations require no obligation to continue the relationship, though we feel compelled to stay in it. If it is relationship with contractual obligations or it is a part of doing your job effectively, walking away may not be the best answer.
Some of the toughest breakups are with someone who has been a friend for a long time and the relationship has gone array. They may have hurt you. You may have talked to them about what is bothering you or not. No matter, you are at a point where it is easier to leave than to continue to fight the battle. You are tired.
You have probably thought through all the “what ifs” as you daydream about it; the fact remains you have not done anything to correct it or you have tried and there is no response from the other side.
Here are some signs that you may have a relationship that needs severing:
- You celebrate their successes and your successes go unnoticed
- They take credit for your work or your ideas
- They repeatedly forget to give you important information, especially when it involves you
- You ask them to compromise in the relationship and they ignore you
- You let them know how you feel and they continue to hurt you
- You dread going to places where this person is working or where you will see them socially
- After you interact, you leave feeling angry or depressed
There will be times when you believe you cannot call it quits right away or you continue to hope that there is a fix for it. Here are some tips for managing through a transition.
The timing might not be right. Ask yourself, is it about timing or am I avoiding a decision? Even in the midst of turmoil, sometimes leaving a situation can make things better in the end. Is there a natural break when you can leave? For example, if you signed up for a number of sessions, drop yourself at the end of it. There is no obligation to say why you are not renewing – you’re just busy.
You are financially dependent on it. There will be situations where you work with someone you do not like. If their cubicle is next to yours or you share office space, the constant interaction can wear on you quickly. There are a couple of options, each of them require you to take action, which may take weeks or months to see results.
First, ask your boss if there is an open desk somewhere else in the office. Don’t tell your boss you hate your cube mate; simply outline how your working styles may be different and you will be more productive in another location. If the department is small and there is no option to move, you will have to consider if transferring to another department is a solution. Ask him or her to help you with a transfer or reply to internal job postings in your company.
Have a candid conversation. How many times have you replayed that conversation you had with your friend and it ended in the absolutely worse scenario? There is a good chance it will not end up that badly, and if it does, at least you know where you stand with them. The benefit of knowing where both parties stand is that any decision you make afterward should not come as a surprise. For tips on how to have a difficult conversation – read this link here.
Factor in how often it happens. A single or infrequent instance of someone forgetting about you may be a fluke. In today’s world of multitasking, people get senior moments and forget to include you or ask about what is important to you. If it does happen, there are tactful ways of letting someone know you would like to be included. Consider:
I love hearing about XXX, it helps me to understand your situation better. I hope that what I share with you is beneficial too.
If they do not respond “yes” or ask you to share something with them, it may be a sign that you are not important to them. I know that hurts. Now you can decide if you want to continue to be hurt or move on.
Details are not required. If you decide to walk away, remember you do not have to give someone all the details why you left. The chances are if you slip quietly into the night, they may not even notice that you are gone. If they do, you can decide if they are approaching you to justify their action/inaction or if they truly want to get the relationship back on track.